Maintaining identity in parenthood
I was scrolling through social media and I saw a post of a woman asking other women whether or not they regret having children, and I noticed a theme of people missing their life before parenthood. You know the one, where you could do what you want, when you want, without having to consider your little one? While parents love their children, it is common and normal to miss the version of yourself before you had children. And, although it’s harder, it’s still possible to preserve your sense of self or reconnect with the version of you before kids. How? Follow along for a few tips:
Practice self-care
Yes, self-care as a parent is possible and ESSENTIAL. Although, admittedly, self-care does look a lot different after having children, there’s little things you can do to make time for yourself. It can be something as small as waking up 10 minutes before your child does to have some coffee in peace. Or, something more important, like making sure you’re eating 3 nutritious meals a day. I’ve heard so many parents tell me how they only eat once or twice a day since having kids, and I ask, are you feeding your children once or twice a day?”, their response always, “no, of course 3 times a day plus snacks!”. And I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…eat with your kids! If you have time to make food and feed your kids, you can also eat something yourself.
Get out and about
Whether it’s for a wholesome walk alone by yourself outside, or for a coffee with a friend, do it! And remember those hobbies you loved doing? Make it a goal to engage in those hobbies monthly (or whatever is achievable for you). If your hobbies are kid friendly, you can include them too! If you have a partner, try have a weekly or fortnightly 90 minute date just the two of you and try not to talk about the kids.
Talk to a therapist
Sometimes, we need extra help reconnecting with our ’old' selves and our grief of this past self can lead us feeling in distress, while simultaneously, making us feel guilty when we do prioritise our own wants and needs outside of parenthood. Talking to a therapist can help you learn to constructively navigate and mitigate these feelings.
At Mind Connect Health, we understand sometimes attending therapy with a little one is challenging. Therefore, we offer telephone counselling and can also allow children to be brought into sessions when needed. We also welcome partners to attend so both parents can learn to support each other in adapting to their new roles of being parents, without losing a sense of identity in a way that’s even better, TOGETHER.
