Love and Legalities: Turning prenup conflict into cooperation

There’s a lot of negative stigma around financially binding agreements (commonly known as prenups), with many individuals feeling offended when their partner brings up wanting a ‘prenup’. People often end up questioning their partner’s level of commitment and compatibility with each other’s financial goals and responsibilities. However, there are plenty of reasons why entering into a financially binding agreement is a good idea. For example, they can foster communication about financial goals, clarify financial roles, promote financial planning and reduce financial stress in the long-term. Nonetheless, even if both you and your partner are onboard with obtaining a ‘prenup’, negotiations can become tense, so here are some ground rules that may help you overcome conflict in the negotiations process:

1. Prioritise Trust

   Be open and honest about your finances, assets, debts and vulnerabilities. Transparency will help build and maintain trust in the relationship. Share your financial goals and worries with your partner and try to understand their point of view, even if you disagree. Remember, they are your ally, not your enemy.

2. Reiterate Commitment

   Remind each other that the ‘prenup’ is a tool to strengthen your union, not a sign of distrust or lack of commitment. Talk about the benefits to both parties about having this form of contract in place and listen to their underlying concerns and worries. It’s also crucial to show your commitment in other ways, such as making a heartfelt gesture to demonstrate your devotion to your life-long union.

3. Communicate Safely

   It’s crucial to facilitate a safe conversation about a touchy topic. Consider a private setting and time when both of you feel relaxed. Be sure to ask open-ended questions, use ‘I’ statements instead of blaming, actively listen to your partner’s perspective and avoid making any negative assumptions.

4. Hit Pause

   If it’s getting overwhelming, take a pause and focus on gathering your thoughts and recharging. Plan a break in advance and be sure to communicate with your legal team about this break and have a plan for re-entering negotiations. Consider having a date night or weekend away with your partner where you both don’t speak about the negotiation proceedings and just spend time focusing on each other.

5. Seek Support

   If you and your partner are struggling to compromise, or have noticed underlying issues are impacting the negotiations, such as differing financial values, it may be beneficial to seek couples therapy for unbiased support.

   These tips can help you and your partner find common ground, making it easier to navigate prenup negotiations with ease. Whilst these conversations are not romantic to have, and often rather confronting, this can be a relationship opportunity to build your conflict resolution skills, better understand each other and begin planning your financial future together.