Navigating the Storm: Supporting your child through divorce or separation
As a parent, there’s no manual for managing a child’s complex emotions that come with divorce or separation. But one thing is for certain - your child needs you. In this post, we’ll explore practical tips to help you help your child through this difficult time.
Listen Actively
It’s important to understand why and how your child is feeling about the separation. Do they miss spending as much time with them? Do they feel it’s their fault? Do they want you to get back together? It’s important to ask questions and actively listen to their thoughts and concerns, but this can be tricky for kids - sometimes they don’t know how they feel and need some probing. It’s critical to show active listening when you ask questions, and remember, active listening isn’t just about hearing what they have to say. It involves being non-judgmental, open and paying attention to non-verbal cues, such as eye contact, body language and tone of voice.
Validate Their Feelings
Once you’ve asked some questions, and shown you’re actively listening, you need to validate their feelings. Let your child know their feelings, such as missing having both parents in the home, are understandable and normal. For example, you could calmly say, “I know you’re sad and want things to go back to the good times. I’m here for you. What’s something we can do together so you feel a little less sad in this moment?”
Hold Off On The Criticism
Divorce and separation aren’t easy on parents either, especially if the divorce was due to a betrayal. However, it’s important to refrain from criticising or blaming the other parent in front of your child as this can have negative impacts on your relationship with your child. This can be difficult, so we encourage you as a parent to also seek support to manage your own mental wellbeing and to help navigate you on your own grief journey.
Establish Routine And Consistency
Even though the child will likely be spending time in different homes, it’s most beneficial if there’s consistency with rules and routines in both households. Although this can be very challenging, and sometimes impossible, having two separated parents still being on the same page about being a good parent will help maintain some sense of normalcy and family unity. If it’s safe, consider speaking to your partner to see how you can have similar structures in each other’s household and use similar parenting strategies. Even better if you can attend the same parenting course to get on the same page. This will make it easier for you two, as well as to reduce chances of having to manage challenging behaviours in your child as a result of inconsistency and complex emotions.
Supporting a child through separation or divorce requires patience, understanding and effective communication. By validating their emotions, maintaining consistency and seeking professional help when needed, parents can help their child navigate this challenging time. Remember, your child depends on your guidance and support and love in this time, and with the right knowledge and skills, you can help your child navigate their feelings and healthily adapt to the family changes.
